Geography is History

Geography is history

In the latest issue of the New Yorker Calvin Trillin has written a humorous piece about “President Romney”. This inspired me to write one about an imaginary Chief Minister in an Indian state. Any similarity with this fictional CM is purely accidental and wholly unintended.

As soon as the CM entered the conference of political bigwigs in Delhi, he was approached by a charming man with dashing looks with a slightly receding hairline. “ I am Abdullah –Omar Abdullah,"–he said in the way Bond-James Bond- introduces himself”. “ Yes, yes I know. You are from our friendly country Pakistan.” Abdullah was horrified ,” No, no I am the CM of J&K”. The CM beamed, “That I know you are not the President –your President is Porvej Musharraf, you are the CM of Jalalabad and Korachi.”

Meanwhile, Mayavati –ji marched up to the CM and said ,”Ap kyse hain?” The CM looked at Abdullah who was still recovering and said ,” She is your mother or your auntie-ji?” “No, no she is the Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh.” The CM guffawed this time, “ How nice, how nice you have UP also in Pakistan ?”

As Mayavati –ji was regaining her composure, a man with a salt and pepper beard donning a flourishing saffron turban came forward and introduced himself,” Kem cho ji, this is Narendra Modi, do you think we should give a Bharat Ratna to Salman Mian?”

“No, no why give Bharat Rotno to Salman Khan who is a Bollywood actor –let us give it to Nojrul. And by the way did you know Mohon Bagan was the first Indian football team which beat the gora poltons in 1914?”

Modi was trying unsuccessfully to explain the difference between Salman Rushdie and Salman Khan when a portly lady draped in a deep parrot green kanjeevaram saree approached the CM. “What are your views on food inflation?” “Excuse me," asked the CM, “ are you from Pakistan also?But why are you draping around your body your country’s flag?” “ I am Jayalalitha –the CM of Tamilnadu –no Pakistani –pure Indian, I am known as Amma”, she barked.

In the meantime, Aung San Suu Kyi in a traditional Burmese lungi with fresh flower in her hair introduced herself . “Aha you cannot fool me Madam,” said the CM ,” you are from the North-East right? I can see from your features. Monipur or Mijoram? Or are you from Nepal? Pataudi was the youngest captain of the Indian cricket team-did you know that? He married Robindranath’s grand-niece.”

“No, no-I am not from India Hon’ble CM, I am from Myanmar.” The CM beamed again,” I know.I know. I know you are not from Pakistan although you have borders with that country –you are from north-east of my state, geographically speaking, hai na? ”

Meanwhile, Tendulkar scored his hundredth century-announced Ornob Goswami -and the entire reception erupted in a thunderous applause as history and geography converged on cricket.